APH Rochu: Good Luck North Korea!
by haraguro-tan
Summary: North Korea is preparing for the big game with Brazil. China and Russia drop by for a pep talk. Some references to North Korea's past communist alliance with China and USSR, and the recent torpedoing of Korea's ship Cheonan.


**A/ N: **I actually wrote this before the Brazil vs match the day before, but couldn't upload it because of some glitch. I'm not late! XD

Some terms and jokes may not make sense to you if you don't watch football. A little understanding of North Korea's communist ties with China and USSR, North Korea's current relationship with China and the recent supposed North Korean attack on a Korean ship is required to make the connections which you can scroll to the bottom for the info.

**All characters (C) Axis Powers Hetalia & Hidekaz Himaruya. Country names should be taken to represent characters, not the real country itself. **

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North Korea was extremely bored. In a few hours, his football team would be playing their first World Cup finals match since 1966. In addition, they would be facing Brazil, the world's football giant. But he was not the least bit excited, nervous, or even frightened.

When North Korea drew the South American nation for his opening match, he had felt elated. What an honour it was to play against the five times World Cup champion! He was raring to show the world that North Korea was more than just a small communist nation. He would score against the football nation, possibly play for a draw or victory even!

But this morning, a surprise visit from China, his neighbour and long-time ally, had sapped away all feelings of anticipation. Stuffed into a bright red hanbok, courtesy of China who insisted that North Korea dress up for the cameras and that red was the colour for luck, North Korea sat next to the talkative nation, resisting the urge to kick something other than a football.

At the moment, the pair of them were at the spectator's stand of the North Korean team's training ground, watching the North Korean footballers doing warm ups and exercises to ease their muscles and nerves for the evening game. North Korea twirled his long braid of hair over a finger as he listened to China's incessant nagging.

"If he pulls your shirt, never, never retaliate aru. Yell for the referee. You might get him yellow carded or at least win a free kick aru."

"Ah huh," North Korea nodded woodenly.

"If the ball is offside, don't chase it. Such a waste of energy aru. You know what's offside, don't you?"

"Of course! I qualified for the finals after all," North Korea reminded him.

"Watch out for Ronaldhinho. He's really good aru. Get him red-carded if possible."

"...He's not in the lineup."

"Aiya! Really? The golden boy is not playing! This is a sign from the heavens! You're going to win the match for sure!" China clasped his hands over North Korea's and shook them profusely.

"Yes, so stop worrying about me and go back to your hotel."

"North Korea," China placed both hands on North Korea's shoulders and said sternly. "I'm counting on you to avenge my defeat by Brazil in the World Cup finals eight years ago. You do realize that aru?"

"I'll do my best. Just go back and cheer for me from your hotel room."

"Pop quiz!" China suddenly yelled. "In a penalty shoot-out, if the goalie moves to the right, which side should the penalty taker kick the ball to?"

"Erm... the left? Obviously?" North Korea frowned, failing to understand the point of this question.

"Aiyaaaa wrong! How do you expect me not to worry about you when you can't even get such a simple question right!" China wrung his hands and stomped his foot.

"Eh? But how is that wrong?"

"Do you think the goalie's stupid? Obviously he would be faking the move! So the penalty taker must then fake a move in the left direction too so the goalie predicts rightly that he's faking a move in the left direction, so he comes back to defend the left, and then the penalty taker shoots to the right and GOAL!" China ran around the spectator's stand punching his fists victoriously in the air.

China eventually came to a halt in front of a bewildered North Korea, "You follow me aru?"

North Korea stared back blankly.

"Aiya! I'll leave you to think about it. I'm going to treat your boys to lunch aru!"

"Thanks, China-... No, wait! The players can't take certain types of food before the match..."

Too late, for China was already on the football field, having produced a Chinese buffet table out of nowhere, and was harassing all the players to tuck into dishes ranging from dim sum to sharks fin soup using threats of "If you don't eat, I won't send food to your home aru!"

Sitting back down onto the spectator's bench, North Korea watched in resignation as his players destroyed their carefully crafted diet plan with Chinese delicacies. If he was lucky, some of his players might throw up on the Brazilians and sneak in some goals amidst the chaos.

Several minutes of quiet passed, peppered with occasional shouts of "Use chopsticks to take that aru!" and "Aiya you're dipping the wrong sauce!"

Two large hands suddenly appeared in front of his face, obscuring his vision.

"Guess who da~?"

"Russia... this is really old."

"You're not fun~!"

Russia removed his hands and climbed over the bench from behind North Korea. Taking a seat beside the young socialist republic, Russia beamed, "How do you feel about today's match with Brazil?"

"Very bad," North Korea said grumpily. "If you're looking for China-san, he's down on the field. Please take him with you. He's driving me up the wall."

"Of course I'm going to take him. No pun intended~ Or not~" Russia beamed, while North Korea rolled his eyes. "But I wanted to see you too of course~"

"Whatever for. I've nothing to do with you," North Korea said coldly.

"Aww~ Are you still mad at me for investigating the torpedoing of Cheonan?"

"Hmmph!"

"Ah ha~ I knew it! But it's for your own good. Bombs are dangerous toys so you should lay off them if you really have been..."

"I did not! It wasn't me! I know nothing about it! Did you come here to interrogate me? Because if you did, save your breath! I'm telling you nothing!" North Korea shouted.

"Calm down! I didn't come here to talk about that! Besides, if anything, it's always the boss' fault da?"

'Hurrumph!"

"I really want to cheer you up for the match~ I'm counting on you to do the Red Army proud! I brought you some vodka to celebrate~!"

Russia took out two bottles of Vodka from inside his coat and handed one to North Korea. They drank in silence and watched China bully the football players into taking third and fourth helpings of food.

"It's going to be such a miracle if they win this match," North Korea shook his head in exasperation.

"China is such a mother hen da?" Russia laughed.

"He nags like one too. It's really annoying sometimes," North Korea shuddered.

"China really cares for you da! Look at all the help and support he has given you all these years! The way that crazy boss of yours works, your people wouldn't have survived without his aid," Russia said, feeling slightly indignant for his lover.

"I know, I'm not complaining. I do agree that he almost acts like a mum. In a good way," North Korea said quietly.

"Teehee~ If China is your Mama, then I'm your Papa da~?" Russia chuckled.

"Hey, leave me out of your fantasies. You've done nothing to deserve my calling you Papa," North Korea retorted.

"How heartless~ I gave you my fair share of help during our days of alliance too, didn't I~?"

"But not now, you don't. You're even taking Korea's side now. Only China-san is trustworthy."

"I'm not taking Korea's side! I just want to verify the truth. One should always be responsible for their actions da? Besides, I think China spoils you too much. You're old enough to rely on yourself for your people's happiness and stop demanding favours in exchange for good behaviour like a spoilt brat," Russia said seriously.

North Korea stared disbelievingly at Russia. Russia's words were offensive, but they were so sensible that they made him blushed.

"I..."

"Just quoting what China used to say to me~" Russia laughed.

"Hmmph! I thought that was a very un-Russian thing to say," North Korea snorted.

"China sees good in everyone. He indulges everyone he loves even if they are brats," Russia sighed, "But that's what I love about him da~!"

North Korea nodded. Even if the whole world despised him, he knew his 'Mama' would be there by his side, showering him with unconditional love.

"Da~! Feeling happier now?"

North Korea nodded.

"In that case," Russia opened up his coat, revealing many more bottles of Vodka. "Let me spread more happiness to your boys~!"

"Eh? NO! You can't be serious! Who drinks Vodka before a match!"

"I do~!"

_

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_  
"Let us out! Let us out aru! We're very important officials in our countries. You can't keep us in jail aru!" China grabbed the vertical bars in front of him and rattled them hard.

The African prison warden said something in a language he did not understand and walked away.

"Calm down Yao~! North Korea will get us out~" Russia leaned lazily against the hard gray wall of the prison cell they now shared.

"Aiya! How can you be so relaxed! We're charged for attempted murder of a national football squad aru! Do you know how serious that is? I can't believe the coach called in State Security aru!" China paced up and down anxiously.

"Well, Vodka and Drunken Prawns combined did produce an interesting effect," Russia sniggered.

"You think it's funny, do you? Who's going to avenge my 3-0 defeat now aru?" China clutched Russia's collar and shook hard.

"They'll probably recover before the match. Relax da~!" Russia grabbed China around the waist and pulled him into his lap.

"Hey!" China protested reflexively, but did not complain further. The Russian's lap was more comfortable and warm compared to the cold, stoney floor.

"How do you think the match will turn out?" Russia asked.

"I don't know aru. The Brazilians have always been good, but it's been ages since I last saw North Korea play. Although I really wish for a North Korean win, I think I'll be glad either way as long as he enjoys the game," China said thoughtfully.

"Spoken like a true Mama," Russia giggled.

"What?"

"Nothing da~!"

"Honestly, who drinks Vodka before any sort of competition aru? Now we can't even watch the game. This is all your fault aru!" China gave Russia's shoulder a half-hearted punch.

"Oh but there are much more interesting activities than watching the game da~!" Russia tightened his embrace around China and nuzzled his neck.

"What? Why are you unbuttoning my shirt aru? Oh no! I hope you're not thinking of... HEY! Where are you touching aru!"

"I've always fancied doing it in a prison cell da~ _Kolkolkolkol~_"

THE END

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**A/N:** I hate 'em plot bunnies. They multiply faster than I can write them out. The time-sensitive ones are the worst!

Poor N. Korea! A lot of people are predicting a real thrashing from Brazil! Brazil has been my favorite national team since a few years back so of course I'll be rooting for Brazil~ Though I'll root for N. Korea in their matches against Ivory Coast and Portugal~ Go go N. Korea! For the pride of the Red Army lol.

Obviously I don't intend to continue this story, but however the game ends, it would make sense. If N. Korea loses, badly, we know who to blame. If N. Korea does ok, that means they recovered in time. If N. Korea does exceptionally well, Vodka + Drunken prawns may become ingredients for the next performance enhancing drug! As I'm posting this now, Brazil has already won N. Korean 2-1, so looks like the players recovered just in time XD I think N. Korea did pretty well!

Background information:  
China, USSR and North Korea have been close allies in their communist days and China and USSR frequently provided North Korea with food supplies and military aid. After the disintegration of USSR, Russia stopped with the aid, but China continues to maintain a close relationship with North Korea and remains one of North Korea's main food donors. China is apparently about the only country North Korea would listen to, but even then, North Korea continues to threaten the world with its nuclear plans, only agreeing to make concessions in exchange for aid. Another interesting fact is that many foreign embassies with diplomatic ties with N. Korea are in Beijing rather than N. Korea itself. Early this year, a South Korean ship was torpedoed for which North Korea was accused of. About all the countries on the UN security council wanted to launch economic sanctions, but China refused, requesting that everyone calm down instead (kind of reminds me of a protective mother spoiling her kid). Russia hasn't been very vocal about it, but he sent an investigation team to verify whether the ship was really bombed by North Korea. I'm not sure what's happening already now though. Apparently S. Korea has proof that was the culprit but China has veto power on the UN Security Council so I guess they're waiting for China to make up his mind.

In my mind, if North Korea ever makes it into the comics, he/she will be a spoilt, rebellious and proud brat who is often grumpy, is tsundere towards China but runs to him whenever he needs help. In this fic, I've just made him as neutral as possible without any outstanding characteristics. He has long braided hair because that seems to be how he's depicted in many fan arts.


End file.
